Okay
I’m officially not coping very well to the new country thing.
Had a night not two ago that had me on the bed, face down, mind spinning about the necessity of me leaving the apartment. Think of some sort of raging, but inconsistent, version of social anxiety that really only shoots up when I either need to take the dog out by myself or, well that’s about when it’s worst, I can go to the store with little problem, I can go out on my own with little trouble. It’s when I have the dog and I worry about this one guy who is out there walking his dog that has tried to talk to me a few times, and that I have very little in the way of understanding what he’s been saying, all I have been able to make out is something about foot or kicking, and I wonder if he thinks I’ve been kicking the dog (just to give him some idea that I have, I sometimes put my foot on the dog’s backside to make him sit at the corners, I only punt him in the house 
. Yea so that just jacks my mind so far into the I hate not to know, not to understand, get things wrong-I don’t try mind set that well, I freeze up with all the haste of a R 134 converted Buick in Orlando summer rush-hour traffic.
It’s not pretty, on top of which it makes me all angry and irritable. Today I got a bit like that, worried that I might run into some of the neighborhood kids and have to “not talk” to them. I hate standing out sometimes, in what my mind is bad ways, I guess, and well… it really doesn’t make a lot of sense why I don’t just jump in with two feet, I do with most everything else, I’m just *really* worried to come off to complete strangers as a moron. Yea…
Okay, I feel better now having said that, makes me more resolved to actually change it now that it’s out there.
Mismatched faces don’t interrupt me
The bodies consistently intruige me
With the understanding of species
comes the relaxation of worries
The taxes take tolls on reason
What’s left is far from worthless.
K
Comments
Leave a Reply
